Novices meditate to relax. Masters relax to meditate.

We work hard. We scheme and plan and organise, we fret and worry and lock the doors, all so that one day we can relax. I once asked a friend what he was working so hard for, what he really wanted. He said, “So that I can relax.”

We make money so we can take holidays, and one day retire… so that we can relax.

In truth, relaxation is one side of the pleasure coin. It’s the savouring, grateful, parasympathetic side, and for most of us it’s the harder side to reach. We’re good at revving up. When it comes to chilling out, we generally suck. The survival circuits, fear and adrenaline, are the ones we know best.

Make it a practice

Try a progressive relaxation any time you want to switch gears. If you want to get properly good at it, practise relaxing every day:

• Lie in corpse pose for ten minutes.
• Take a hot bath with Epsom salts and slow music.
• Turn off your phone.
• Walk in the forest without a podcast.
• And the hardest one of all: do nothing.

That last one is mastery level. Trusting that all is well, and will be well without your efforting, takes a lot of practice to glimpse even once.

But long before that, there’s real pleasure to be found in learning to relax. We open up. We get more spacious inside. We lighten, and our focus actually improves. That’s why it’s worth doing some relaxation before you meditate.

Meditation can be relaxing, but that’s never been its main purpose. Historically it’s been a tool for conquering suffering. Before we get anywhere near nirvana, though, we can ease our stress, lessen our pain, and find deep pleasure in simply learning how to let go.

If you want a place to start, the Inner Smile is a guided relaxation I’ve taught for years.